The people we interact with in everyday life play roles in our lives such as family member, friend, colleague or lover. It is very important for us to express ourselves and share our feelings and thoughts, as we live by making communication and connections in connection with our social needs. Thus, we get the pleasure of communicating with another person. There are some elements of building relationships and managing them in a healthy way. First of all, within the framework of joint communication, we need to know exactly what we want from the relationship we are in, and what we expect from the relationship. Once we’ve set our expectations, we need to share our expectations with the people we’re in a relationship with so that that person can clearly understand what’s expected of them. We should not forget that the more we share our thoughts and feelings, the more likely it is that our expectations will be met. In addition, we must have the courage to say “no” to situations that we do not need. We must simultaneously accept the fact that we are not capable of making everyone around us happy, and we must also have the right to say what we do not want to say. Acting in accordance with our point of view and principles increases our self-esteem and brings happiness! At this point, we should pay attention to how we should come to terms with the conflict situations that arise when our views do not coincide with the people with whom we communicate. When expressing our feelings and thoughts, we must consider the possibility that the person in front of us may not have the same attitudes and mentality as we do. When faced with such a situation, we must first remain calm, accept this contradiction, and avoid harsh reactions to changing/criticizing the thoughts of the other side. We then need to acknowledge and acknowledge the needs and concerns of the person we are communicating with so that a compromise can be reached where both parties meet on a common basis and can achieve even if they are part of what they want. At the same time, there are behaviors that undermine effective communication that we should stay away from. For example, we should stay away from judgmental, slanderous, and threatening sentences and avoid starting sentences with “you” that would make the other person feel guilty for what they did. In addition, making suggestions, reading minds, and filtering what we are being told prevents us from listening to the other person and paying attention to what they are saying “attentively.” When we act in this way, we often worry not about what we are being told, but about how we will react to it. But this is not a way to communicate effectively, on the contrary, we need to focus on the needs, feelings and situation of the person with whom we communicate.
Some suggestions for reconciliation and reduction of contradictions
- Use an efficient contact list. For example:
- Are you clear about your goals/expectations?
- Do you know what you want?
- Are you aware of your personal values?
- Have you used threatening and accusatory strategies?
- Are there factors that prevent you from listening? (Mind reading, filtering, evaluation, etc.)
- joint reality; Knowing the experiences of the person with whom they are communicating and understanding why they arise also allows you to understand the validity of your own experience.
- Break; It gives a person the opportunity to wait in situations that make him angry. In this way, it may be possible to calm down, listen carefully to what is said and give appropriate answers. For example: “I understand what you mean, but give me time, because this is an important topic, and I want to think it over carefully and answer.”
- Recall and write down any recent moments of conflict. For each, try using the methods mentioned above and also explain how you applied them.
Once you start using these methods, you will realize that you manage to maintain relationships in a healthy way. At the same time, this situation will reflect on the person with whom you are in a relationship, and make him behave in the same way as you. It’s your turn to put it into practice!
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